War Dolls

The ban has been lifted on reporting deaths from Afghanistan and Iraq. Today the AP published a tribute to a Marine who died recently in Afghanistan, including details of how he received his mortal injuries and a picture of his last moments on the battlefield. What do we feel and what will we allow ourselves to feel about such a story and such images in front of our sons? Sadness? Anger? Despair? How do we honor our troops?

Marketers make the most out of little boys’ (and girls’) desire to find and look up to heroes. And since the real stories about those who fight wars in foreign countries have not been allowed in the news, they have appeared in movies that big guys (especially vets) love, movies like the chilling “Hurt Locker” that shows the suffering, the underside and dangers of macho posturing, and the craziness of the risk-taking that is sometimes necessary and sometimes not when real men find that war is a drug. We can’t show these movies to little boys or have deep discussions with them about the way war consumes and transforms men because they can’t fully understand and we need to protect them from the violence. But we can talk to them about the hurt, can’t we?

Notice how these recent war hero dolls from the GI Joe Cobra line are portrayed for their littlest customers. They are uber-protected with masks, shields, padded suits, heavy boots. We can laugh at how over the top they look, but the message they send — that these guys are vulnerable and in need of massive protection — is no laughing matter. It’s scary out there.

But if we describe war as scary and men as vulnerable will that only make the heroes more heroic, will that only make our little boys want to grow up to wear massive equipment and run straight into explosions? Maybe the narrative we have to create is closer to one they learned in nursery school—that while it’s never good to use force, bite or hit, it might sometimes be necessary if they need to protect someone else or themselves from danger. The problem with these dolls, though, is that they don’t come with stories that help children understand the down side of violence, the risks and loss. The protective armor suggests anything goes and the vulnerable guy underneath will walk away unscathed, a winner no matter what or why the battle. So maybe what parents need to do if and when our son wants to play with these war dolls is to create a story for him about his family and kids back home and how much he misses them, to give him 2 or 3 other dolls at the same time and make them his friends… to get some gear and boots for Barbie (ha!) and let him know that the troops include men and women, dads and moms. To make real the people in the doll, even if your son needs to act out fantasy scenes of war and explosions and harm in order to understand them. That way your son can, in his own way, begin to understand some of the terrible realities of war—and the tragic sacrifices that many of our troops have made—all so well hidden behind the masks and armor worn by GI Joe Cobra and his comrades.