By: Norma

Norma — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 06:08:01 +0000

I’m a mother of two — a 5 1/2 year old boy and a 3 1/2 year old girl. My husband and I have tried to be very cognizant of the negative “macho” images of boys and have intentionally tried to create a home where our son is not forced into one of these images. Despite our efforts, however, we have been bombarded by negative criticism by family members that believe that we are pushing our son to be too feminine. It all started when he saw the movie “Cinderella.” He became a huge fan — in fact, he would say he’s her number one fan. At age four, he decided he wanted a blue Cinderella bike for Christmas plus a Hungry, hungry hippo game. We complied to his only to requests on his Christmas list that year. Much to our surprise, the family was in an uproar. My mother-in-law who had initially promised the funds for the bike seemed hesitant to provide the funds once she found out we were going to purchase a Cinderella bike, despite it being blue. My brother refused to come over to our house during the Christmas holiday for fear of what he would have to say to his 4 and 6 year old sons. Prior to the holiday, my father asked my son what he wanted for Christmas and when my son revealed what he wanted, my father made him cry by telling him that he couldn’t have a girl’s bike. My son did receive a Cinderella bike that Christmas which he still rides proudly. However, the extended family shook their heads in disappointment and dismay that we were raising our son the wrong way. They accused me of brainwashing him into being obsessed with Cinderella and accused my husband of not being man enough to raise his own son. More uproar came when my son decided that he wanted a Cinderella birthday party. I had two family members boycott the event, two others attend reluctantly and the remaining family members attended thinking that the boycotters were being ridiculous. All family members who are “afraid” of the Cinderella/princess “stage” my son is going through claim that they are doing it for my son’s protection — that he will be made fun of at school and bullied by others. Unfortunately, the irony is that the only ones who have made him feel uncomfortable about liking Cinderella and other “girl” things have been those family members. In all the times that we’ve taken the Cinderella bike out on bike rides, we’ve only had one child who commented that “that boy is riding a girl’s bike.” His mother responded with, “A bike is a bike. There’s nothing that makes it a girl or boy bike. They all have two wheels, a seat and handlebars.” This seemed to satisfy the boy and they went on their way. My son started kindergarten this year and despite family members wanting him to take a “boy backpack” to school, he opted for his favorite Cinderella backpack and lunch pail. When I asked him if his classmates had asked him about his choice in backpack, he said that they had asked him. He responded with,”I’m her number one fan. Why wouldn’t I have her backpack?” It makes me proud that he can stand up for what he believes and to this day has not succumbed to the negative comments by family members. I’ve learned a huge lesson through all of this and although it’s been extremely painful I’m pleased that I had the courage to stand up for what we as parents believed in as far as raising our son is concerned.

Comments on: Books ‘Bout Boys: Packaging Boyhood

By: Norma